Tuesday, August 3, 2010

On: A Writer Monday Fail

It was inevitable that a Monday Fail would happen. Yesterday my brain went into neutral and I squandered my Good Writing Time.

For an eight hour writing day which I usually start on the dot of 9am, I managed three meagre hours, after starting 45 minutes late.

I wouldn't call it writers block. I had an idea, and at least with that idea I came out of the day with a few pages of notes. I even managed to drag my recalcitrant brain into something resembling first gear and bash out 1200 words. They ended up being 1200 excruciatingly bad words (it started leaning towards bad Teenage Angst Wish Fulfillment, and I swore and declared to eliminate that socially ingrained bullshit from my writing), and I've scrapped them. I spent the afternoon at less that writerly pursuits, which made me even MORE upset come the evening.

I'm funny about my procrastination problem. I know it's going to hurt me, but I still do it.

I could chuck out excuses: I get insomnia from time to time, and the previous night's disturbed sleep left me barely functioning; I hadn't planned my writing session properly and I was working more on an idea than a formed scene (this tends to create my worst writing, which in turn makes me grumpy because I think I'm a crap writer which in turn spirals into creating even more crap...); there's a norwest over the city at the moment that tends to give me weird headaches and makes people a little doolally.

But mostly the biggest excuse is that I just couldn't pull myself together. I know I'll have Off Days. My SO told me I can't be perfect all the time (Why Not! *stampy feet, flail fists*). All the guides and blog posts I read on How To tell me that this is so. It's like any other job - there are some days where you're not top of your game.

It still doesn't stop me from the self flagellation. I have set myself up this one perfectly formed day a week to write. My schedule is clear, and it's undisturbed time. So to squander it is such a waste.

So, lesson learned. This is how crap I'll feel if I waste my Writer Monday. Other people's reaction and mileage may vary when it comes to procrastination. But since I started my writing "career" late, I really do feel the loss of every day that I waste.

Thankfully I woke up this morning with a better idea on how to deal with the concept of yesterday's (s)crap(ped) story. It's always a "phew" moment when I come across a better way to handle a story when it's started to derail...and it's coming more often, thank goodness!

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