Thursday, December 16, 2010

Writing: Talking to myself, shouting into the void

Somebody asked me the other day why I blog and Twitter about my writing when I have little to show for my efforts and I'm not a "famous author". I didn't take offense, I knew what they meant - my banging on about writing in a public space has very little relevance to many people and seems like a fairly futile endeavour.

Here's the thing: I don't blog or Twitter about my writing for anyone but myself at this stage. I don't like writing a diary, and I never have. I don't want my family members knowing my inner most thoughts when I'm long gone, or it used to make some revolting memoir about me.

Many may argue that blogging is a bit like writing a diary, but I temper that with the argument that I'm blogging about only one part of my life (I know my feminism is mixed in here too, but again that's only one part of my life). I'm only writing about my feelings and the roller coaster ride of becoming an author.

And right now, to me, that's important. This blog probably will change it's MO as time goes by and my writing career progresses - I mean, it's no use talking about the challenges of starting my career when I'm well into it, say a few years down the track.

I use this blog, and Twitter, as a way to stay focused and accountable to myself. Sometimes writing things down, say making lists or goals, gives you something to tick off or point to. I'm not so hot on list-making or writing out goals like PhD proposals - it seems futile when its only my eyeballs looking at them.

But I am happy about writing down goals and challenges here - I'm surprised at how good this blog and Twitter are at keeping me motivated. If I'm using the #amwriting hashtag, I better have a few thousand words by the end of the day to prove I'm not lying or procrastinating. If I announce I'm doing a Writer Monday, I better own the time I have set aside for that. If I write about a success or how happy I am with a project, I can feel satisfied of a job well done. If I moan about what an arse I've been, or how down I am, it serves to focus my thoughts, put the problem in a box and try to move on.

I started this blog because I was terrified of rejection. MORTIFIED, I tell you. So I decided to own my rejections, laugh at them, number them, and revel in them. And it's worked. The more rejections I get, the more I try, the better I feel about keeping on going. I honestly now wake up in the mornings itching to check my email for replies. Rejections - great! Acceptance - even better!

This blog is not to have a wank or preen, or to think I'm any sort of fantastic writer.  Writing is a growing, learning, evolving experience, and blogging is a tool I find works for me. Your mileage may vary. I don't care if anyone is reading my ramble screeds.

laptop cat sayz...

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