Thursday, October 13, 2011

Pulp!: Phallicy, Gynecology, Rubber Spines, Damsels and Vixens

Ahh pulp science fiction covers of yore. So male gaze oriented, so white washed, so many boobs defying the laws of gravity.

After the (quantum) leap, a selection of covers with NSFW commentary. Image heavy.

IS THAT A ROCKET IN YOUR PANTS BABY?

A very long phallic rocketship
SHWING! TENT POLE!


Staligtite and staligmite style buildings, dotted and topped with red spheres
Looks painful. There's a cream for that.

A smiling woman in a skanty bikini and a man in a full space suit float beside a rocket
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!


A tall black rocket ship, the title of the story is Castigan's Needle
Needs no explanation, really...

A crashed rocket ship in red sand. Smoke pours from various holes and two men stumble away from the wreckage
Smokin'. Was it good for you as it was for me?

A shapely woman in a sparkly corset, against a background of a planet and a rocket ship pointed towards the planet and the woman's crotch
And just where do you think you're going with THAT?

STICK SOME BOOBS ON IT AND CALL IT ART
A naked blonde woman, with hair draped over nipples, and a dragon like lizard covering her crotch
The art of well placed hair and a lizard...*cough*

A near naked woman is tied up and menaced by a dark skinned man
Gratuitous appropriation of native stereotype? Whatever do you mean? (plus: no nipples)

A woman as a giant mermaid, her torso naked but nipples covered by a water ripple, holds a submarine
A new dildo? Awww you shouldn't have! (no, really. I'm a mermaid. Plus, where are my nipples? WTF dude?)

A shapely woman wearing only high heels and a bra, straddles a red bullet rocket. She has no waist, but enormous boobs
Oh come on, now we're not even aiming for subtlety here. Ride that lipstick bullet baby! Who needs undies! Or nipples! (or proper proportions for that matter...)

SPINES DON'T BEND LIKE THAT (TRY IT. SERIOUSLY. I'LL WAIT)

A muscular man, wearing a space helmet, naked torso, laughing, holds a scantily clad swooning woman, bending her across his abdomen
Heck yeah! Gonna play her like a guitar LIKE A BOSS! BUAHAHAHAHA

A robot carries a woman bent in half backwards, chased by policemen on motorbikes
Planet of the knob heads indeed. 

A giant red bird carries a woman bent in half backwards, chased by men, against the backdrop of two gold towers topped with red spheres
Hurry! Take me away from the pulsing red phallic pustules, you beast you...gak!

Pulp Fantasy Number One: Rescue The Non-Consensual Fainting Damsel

A blue man holds a scantily clad woman swooning on her knees
Smurf. Navi. Whatevs. Blue makes me tingle. And cricks my neck at a ridic angle.

Two nearly identical pictures. The first is a robot carrying a swooning woman, the second an insect carrying a swooning woman. Both women wear tight clothes
Teh Hoomun Laydeez. They "fall" for my charms, every time. Bzzt, click, hurrrr.

A man in a spacesuit and helment flies away, clutching a swooning woman, who wears nipple showing tight clothes
I hold your neck, you hold my boob. All is fine in Demure Swoony Damsel Land (coz I have nipples)

Pulp Fantasy Number Two: Bondage

A bikini clad woman kneels inside a bubble-like rocket, her hands bound
I'm on a boat! La la la...wait, what? I'm in a bubble? WTF?!

Three naked women, tied up inside individual glass bubbles, their nipples and crotches barely covered by strategically placed wall hinges or glass blurring
You think you have it rough in YOUR bubble honey? Try becoming an outerspace mime!

A red haired, green skin, horned woman, looking angry, is tied up and being forced into a cage by two men in spacesuits
Is it my hair? My skin? My horns? My boobies? My ability to breathe an atmosphere you can't? Because I'm on the rag? Jesus, a cage?! Just because I wouldn't put out for you?! 

Pulp Fantasy Number Three: Dirty Dirty Amazonian Vixens

A woman wearing a tight red space suit and helmet shoots a laser pistol, carrying an unconscious man
My Red Suit Brings All The Boys To The Yard...

A shapely woman in a tight red dress dangles from a rope, shooting a laser pistol, while a bare-chested man fights aliens barehanded
No, MY red dress brings all the boys to the yard!

A woman in a red full body suit, shoots a laser pistol, looking determined, with an unconscious man under one arm
Wut u bitchez smokin'? MY red suit brings all the boys to the yard!

A group of women in white togas, carrying spears, chase three men in space suits
We don't have red outfits, but we have sticks! That...err...will poke you. (aka reverse Phallicy)

A woman with flowing red hair and a ripped green dress that barely covers hair, holds a knife, watching rocket ships burn, an angry look on her face
Sticks? STICKS?! FIRE! Coz I'm on the rag, bitchez! Burn! BURRRRRRRN! Muahahahaha!

Pulp Fantasy Number Four: Chicken Soup for the Male Gaze

Four women in tight clothing, all wearing black high heeled boots, tower over a timid, nerdy looking man. The story is called Little Gay Girls
An Eleven on the Subtlety Scale


A green robot, identified as female by breasts, holds down a scared human woman by her throat
Mmm, girl on girl action!

The upper hemisphere of earth, dominated by a large hurricane, a large hand stirring the hurricane with the finger on the rim of the storm eye
...

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