That's a holiday with a capital haitch because it was truly fabulous and utterly needed. Maybe you saw me tweeting incessently about it (this post isn't for you then!), because everything I did and saw was a wonder. I don't get out often enough. I need to travel more.
The past eight months have been utter arse, and I needed the glitter of something fabulous and the bright lights of an unbroken city to restore my soul.
A writing soul that has been sorely lacking.
I could feel myself falling into the second guessing rut that I had to fight my way out of to begin this journey. For nearly a month now I've barely written anything new, and I needed a fresh start, a fresh perspective.
So a few months back the opportunity came up to go to a concert. Not just any old concert. THE concert. Something to tick off my Bucket List. Something I had been waiting on for a quarter of my life.
Sydney was more than kind to me. With a world full of wonders, experiences and incredible people, one can wax lyrical about how great this or that was, how happy something makes you, or the greatest moments of your life, and it can all sound a little cliche or over-extemporized. I don't want to be a cliche, and this is where sometimes words fail me. In my joy I feel so inadequate when I lose the ability to use what serves me best in my life.
I hadn't lost the ideas though I was struggling to form them into coherent, interesting stories. The sheer gloriousness of what I saw and heard in Sydney will stay with me forever and guide my words. A soaring voice, a purple heart telling me don't give up. A five second look and smile was enough to turn my life around after the sheer bludgeoning this year has given my soul. The only regret I have from this time is that I missed the opportunity to meet my muse by a few minutes, though I think he knows how important he is.
I've come home with renewed purpose. As much as writing is a job, I've been thinking too much of it as a job. Brute forcing the words out has it's place, but I was missing the beauty of divine inspiration. I need to explore the ephemera and imagery and symbols of my art. I need to see it more as art. I need beauty, support, and change. I need to restore the belief in myself. Because the road is still long, and there are still many detours. But my muse is in place, and still shining resplendently.
I will succeed at this. Reminders, big and small, never hurt.
Darren Hayes "Don't Give Up" (from the album 'Secret Codes and Battleships'), live at the Enmore Theatre, Sydney, November 3, 2011. At 0:55 he sings while miming, pointing and doing the thumbs up at someone in the audience. That person was me. Thank you my muse.